The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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