Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
