I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
