Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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