there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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