bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
