so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
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I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
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I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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