i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
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college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
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There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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