if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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