Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
