i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
