I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
