there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
