You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
