and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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