If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
