"it" just moved
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
