how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
