When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
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Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
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On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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