I want to walk on stilts...naked
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
only you would photoshop your dick
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Also, beer. Big fan.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
