Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
