I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
