she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
