3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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