Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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