I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize