Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
