Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
