That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i love accidental penises.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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