it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
