There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
