No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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