The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
