When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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