Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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