His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
