I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
