just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
