ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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