Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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