Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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