Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
