I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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