well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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