when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
