I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Buhtt sex?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
