I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
