Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
