Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
