i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
