how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
