Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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