he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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