dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
