for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
