I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Randomize
