She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
