I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
