But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
This girl is more easily done than said...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
