I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
