I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
