I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
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I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
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Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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