watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
