I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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