morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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