I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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