I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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