whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
