ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
