She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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