you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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