When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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